I really don't think I can handle this again .. Too many fucking roller coaster feelings .. Happy one minute .. Depressed the next .. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME :'o(
Blah. That's about all I have to say right now. I'm so freaking bored and pissed off. This is just not a good week. Jonathan is ignoring me again .. And it sucks. He stopped calling me and talking to me .. . I kinda put myself into that though. I knew it was gonna happen. He did it last time too. But it's just that .. He's him .. And I always missed him. He always made me feel better. Gah .. I really need to straighten that out .. Also .. There's nothing to do around here anymore besides NEW YORK IN TWO DAYS. That's about all I have to look forward to right now. I never get to go anywhere here anymore. I don't have friends to do anything with. It really sucks. Even I'm starting to hate Amherst .. And I was always the one who wanted to stay here. I wanna live in Halifax with my friends .. Like Jen and Barb and little big guy and everyone else. . PEI even would be nice. At least maybe if I could see Jonathan I could figure this stuff out. You know it's bad when I wanna go to a city. I hate cities .. But I just wanna go somewhere where anyone can be accepted. Nothing is accpeted around here. You either fit into the lines or that's it. And I don't fit in those lines. I can't be me around here. Really .. The only time I've felt like I was being me in the last like 4 years was last weekend with Jonathan. Damnit. Everything comes back to him. It's like The world hates me right now and all they want to see is me go back to being the pathetic little depressed girl again .. Fuck it ..
*I'm so sorry If I'm alienating some of you .. But your whole fucking culture alienates me .. *