Hey guys, remember me? Hehe, yeah my updating lately kind of died a little, but my Christmas break has been really rough so far. This is officially my worst Christmas ever. I don't want to go back to school, but I don't want to be here either, right now I just want my family gone.
My family has been horrible. My mother and I can not be in the same room together at all without endless arguments, my dad and I are strained because of my mother, and my brother is getting so upset about the family fighting that it's just making things worse. I feel so bad for him because he's sitting here listening to my mother and I scream back and forth at each other, and he keeps saying he's totally on my side, but he's just so scared of my mom and I don't blame him.
Ever since I came home I've been pretty much just hiding out in my room. I don't want to leave my room because everytime I do my mother screams, but now I'm just getting in trouble for hiding away. I keep getting these big lectures about how I'm being lazy and selfish. Ugh. I also got this huge lecture about how I apparantly hate my family and I don't care about them and just want everything to be about me. It doesn't matter how many times I try to explain that I don't hate my family, my mother stands by the fact that if I loved them I would be straight. She does not understand that it is impossible for me to be straight. It's not me, it's not who I am, I was born this way, God made me this way and no it's not something I just woke up one day and decided. She had a freak out telling me one day that I just woke up one day and decided I wanted to piss her off so decided I was gay. Wtf?! Why would I ever choose the bullshit I go through all the time, granted I would not change my sexuality if I could only because now I know that there is no reason to, there was definitely a time when I wanted it changed. I don't know how to deal with her anymore. She wouldn't even sit at the table at my Grandmother's for Christmas dinner yesterday.
Another thing, I'm getting so stressed I'm sick. When I stress out it majorly effects me. I don't deal with stress well, and when I get stressed out, I get migraines, my acid reflux acts up, my abdominal pains come back full force, I get really tired and withdrawn, and I can't sleep at night. I've been in so much pain and anguish the last couple of months it's not even funny. I feel like death, I really do. Another thing, the lovely growths on my legs are back. So much for being somewhat better ..
Oh, and my last complaint, my grandmother (Who recently found out my sexuality from someone other than me and refuses to talk about it with me) gave me an interesting gift in my stocking. A grow your own boyfriend. I unwrapped it and didn't say anything so she taps me on the shoulder and says "I figured you could grow one and take care of this .. "problem" .. you're having finding a boy. So now it's that I can't find a boyfriend apparantly, not that I already have an amazing girlfriend. I give up on these people.
Anyways, my presents were pretty few when I finally got them. When I got up this morning there was nothing under the tree as my mother had not wrapped them because she was still unsure about whether or not I deserved them. In the end my family bought me pretty much nothing, my brother got a good five hundred dollars worth more stuff than me but not a big deal. I did get an iPod Nano, and my TI 83+ Calculator because I desperately needed. Other than that, I got money for clothes. That was all my stuff.
I'm going to end this here now I guess. I don't want this entry to get any more bitter than it already is. I hope you guys had much better Christmas' than mine!